The Cat Ate My Sermon

Beloved friend, Anne Much too soon. You will be missed. Tuesday, January 29, 2008

I told her that there were very few people in this world for whom I would get out of bed at 3:30 a.m. She could hear the smile in my voice over the phone line. Of course I would come pray with her before her surgery. She's one of my dear friends. Has been for years. But when she introduced me to her surgeon as her pastor, I had to take a step back. Of all the pastors on staff at the Big Church, she wanted me to come. I can still remember getting to know Anne on our first mission trip together. I was barely more than a visitor to the church when I signed up for the trip to Washington. There's another long story there, about how I left the Baptists, completely disgusted by the politics of religion. And how after a two year hiatus, I began church hopping, looking for a place of comfort. How the thoughts of pursuing ministry had been completely crushed. But Anne welcomed me, a stranger among the mission trip groupies. We became fast friends. She persuaded me to join the church, so ...

I am not a morning person. Never have been, never will be. I take after my grandfather. I remember vacations to Wisconsin as a child, staying up late watching Johnny Carson with grandpa. My grandmother had long since turned her back on the waking world. She'd be up before dawn. He'd stay awake until 3:00 or 4:00, reading in bed until finally drifting away. He'd be up around noon the next day. No wonder they had separate bedrooms. I hated school, having to get up hours before dawn, just to be ready on the bus stop by 7:00. College and seminary were fine when I could choose classes after 10:00 a.m. The occasional 8:00 was a killer. Summer vacations were delightful. Staying up late watching movies, devouring books, composing my stories and my songs, wandering outside to gaze at the starts. Something about the night was magical to me. Quiet, distant. I could be alone with my thoughts. Of course, waking up before dawn, I have found that it is still dark. Imagine ...

That says it all, I think. Blah. I've been rather in a bit of a rut lately. Can't seem to find motivation to do much of anything creative. I just seem to be going through the motions. Getting things done, following the typical routine. But no extra energy to think beyond the blahs. I'm hiding it well. (At least until I post this.) No one seems to notice that I am not quite "all there." I can put up a good facade. Smile and nod at all the correct times. Do what needs to be done, and in a timely fashion. Yet something is indeed lacking. Passion. The passion is missing. Oh, it's there somewhere. I don't think I could ever really lose it. But it seems to be buried deep under a pile of blahs. I've been feeling this way for a while now. Just couldn't quite put on finger on what was amiss. Since I have finally confronted it, perhaps I am on the path to renewal. I sure hope so. This blah-ness has got to go.

My study leave was a last minute excursion. My brother wanted to take a trip to Wisconsin with his younger son. Finances are tight for him, so he needed me to help with the travel expenses and get the electricity turned on at Mom's lakeside cabins. I didn't want to take vacation time to cover this, so I thought to myself, "Self, you haven't taken any study leave in two years." Armed with a double stack of books and an old laptop computer (that was never plugged in), we headed for the north woods. I had not been up in 14 years. The last time to visit was with my ex on our honeymoon. Facing those skeletons was a bit harder than expected. His face haunted my dreams, and I awoke often, startled, but to the happy realization that he wasn't really there. It was because of these frequent awakenings that I was able to catch this incredible sunrise. Within a few days, the demons were exorcised. I still can't believe the amount of reading and planning I w...

But I couldn't help it. Just had to see how it'd come out. I'm rather surprised. You scored as Buffy Summers , You are a very strong individual. You do, however, have some trouble admitting how you truly feel. You've experienced a lot during your life, but you more than manage. Always willing to help, you're a great friend. Buffy Summers 79% Rupert Giles 54% Spike 50% Willow Rosenberg 50% Tara Maclay 46% Dawn Summers 42% Anya 33% Xander Harris 29% Which Buffy The Vampire Slayer Character Are You Most Like!? created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Hermione Granger , You're one intelligent witch, but you have a hard time believing it and require constant reassurance. You are a very supportive friend who would do anything and everything to help her friends out. Hermione Granger 90% Severus Snape 75% Remus Lupin 75% Albus Dumbledore 75% Ron Weasley 60% Sirius Black 55% Harry Potter 55% Ginny Weasley 55% Draco Malfoy 50% Lord Voldemort 5% Your Harry Potter Alter Ego Is...? created with QuizFarm.com