Sunday, October 7, 2007
I hated school, having to get up hours before dawn, just to be ready on the bus stop by 7:00. College and seminary were fine when I could choose classes after 10:00 a.m. The occasional 8:00 was a killer. Summer vacations were delightful. Staying up late watching movies, devouring books, composing my stories and my songs, wandering outside to gaze at the starts. Something about the night was magical to me. Quiet, distant. I could be alone with my thoughts.
Of course, waking up before dawn, I have found that it is still dark. Imagine that. But somehow it's not the same. Watching the sunrise at the end of your day has a different feel than squinting at it through hazy morning eyes. Mystical, powerful, sublime.
So my vocation as a pastor, having the luxury of designing my own schedule - ah, freedom. With the exception of the occasion breakfast meeting and exiting my sheets on Sunday mornings at 4:30 to finish my sermon, I can blissfully sleep in most days. And for this self-proclaimed night owl, it is a blessing indeed.
Saturday, September 29, 2007
I've been rather in a bit of a rut lately. Can't seem to find motivation to do much of anything creative. I just seem to be going through the motions. Getting things done, following the typical routine. But no extra energy to think beyond the blahs.
I'm hiding it well. (At least until I post this.) No one seems to notice that I am not quite "all there." I can put up a good facade. Smile and nod at all the correct times. Do what needs to be done, and in a timely fashion. Yet something is indeed lacking.
Passion. The passion is missing. Oh, it's there somewhere. I don't think I could ever really lose it. But it seems to be buried deep under a pile of blahs.
I've been feeling this way for a while now. Just couldn't quite put on finger on what was amiss. Since I have finally confronted it, perhaps I am on the path to renewal. I sure hope so. This blah-ness has got to go.
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Friday, July 27, 2007
You scored as Buffy Summers, You are
a very strong individual. You do, however,
have some trouble admitting how you truly feel.
You've experienced a lot during your life, but you
more than manage. Always willing to help,
you're a great friend.
Which Buffy The Vampire Slayer Character Are You Most Like!?
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You scored as Hermione Granger, You're one
intelligent witch, but you have a hard time
believing it and require constant reassurance.
You are a very supportive friend who would
do anything and everything to help her friends out.
Your Harry Potter Alter Ego Is...?
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Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Friday, June 15, 2007
Saturday, June 2, 2007
Thursday, May 10, 2007
I asked another friend, who is a few years my junior, if we had hit middle age. I always thought it was much later in life, but apparently I have arrived. There is no crisis. Just a bit of unease, wondering how I ended up here. This life looks nothing like what I had anticipated some 20 years ago.
To make myself even more miserable, I flipped through my college photo albums and found pictures of my 19th birthday. Cute boyfriend (who turned out to be gay), best friend, long stem red roses, and a cake fight in the dorm room. Ah, what mixed emotions those memories evoke. I looked into my 20-year-ago face peering out at me from those photos, cake frosting dripping from my chin, and wanted to holler at her, "Get ready...you've got some ugly years ahead of you!!" I suppose it really wouldn't have made a difference. At that age, I had the world on a leash. Nothing could get in the way of my dreams.
No cake fight this year, though my mother bought me my favorite - white cake with whipped cream icing - from the neighborhood grocery. No party either. A few birthday cards still line my library shelves. I guess it's time to put them away.
It's just a number. I keep telling myself that. But somehow at some point the world broke free of my leash.
Sunday, April 8, 2007
Due to frigid temps, we held the sunrise service indoors this morning. Again, only a faithful handful showed up...probably because they figured Elder Larry would make us sit outside. But he must be getting soft in his advancing years, because indoors it was. He traditionally leads our sunrise service, and had a great message yet again. Hands outstretched on the cross leads to outstretched hands in loving embrace. Great hook.
While the women gathered for worship, the men gathered in the kitchen to prepare breakfast. Another great meal served up by the men. But I wish I could convince them that the service at sunrise is important, too. Traditions...can't mess with 'em.
The traditional service at 10:00 was full, or at least more bodies than usual. Lot's of family members. Sometimes I wonder if anyone is really hearing the message behind my feeble words. I think so. I hope so. Fortunately, Christ can work despite my shortcomings.
He is risen indeed.
Sunday, April 1, 2007
It is the afternoon of Palm Sunday, and I am worn out, having awakened at 4:00 a.m. thinking, "I have got to do something about that sermon." A few hours and many revisions later, worship went well. No one lost an eye with all the palm waving, and the sermon was well-received in my small town church in Central Indiana. The Week that we call Holy is upon us. Lots to do. But for now, maybe I'll go back and check on the Nascar race and catch a few more Z's.