I just awoke from a troubling dream. In it I was walking across a bridge, and in the distance saw what appeared to be a lighting storm. The clouds obscured my view, yet the lightning seemed to be concentrated in one cluster, and it was drawing closer to me. I started to hurry. After I got over the bridge I was in a large open area, and suddenly what seemed to be lightning was actually a column of fire - sort of looked like a waterspout that you'd find over a body of water.
It was coming toward me, and I began running away from it. But it kept coming. I tried to judge its direction, but every time I went the opposite way, it seemed to follow me, getting closer and closer. I began to tire. The fatigue was incredible, but I kept dodging the fire. I felt myself panicking, wondering how I could keep the energy to save myself from being consumed by the fire. The fear was intense, and hopelessness was started to seep in. I finally was able to drag myself into a friend's hom…
I've been away from my blog for a long time as Caring Bridge became my writing instrument of choice during my cancer journey. I now am happily cancer free and much less angry than my last blog post would indicate. The fury over losing my hair indeed was just a symptom of a much deeper anger within me. Yet, breast cancer taught me many things. On this side of it I can honestly say that it is perhaps one of the best things that ever happened to me. Don't get me wrong. I would never ask to go through it again, nor would I wish it on anyone. But the experience of it and the outpouring of support that came from family and friends was amazing and eye-opening. I hope to start sharing some of those experiences on here as I get back into the swing of blogging.
...and actually, I kinda like my super-short pixie 'do!
So...it's been over two years since I wrote a real post. When I first signed up for this blog, I really had the intention to keep up to date. But then, over the past few years, things got pretty rough. Maybe by not posting about them, I felt like they weren't real. Or maybe I didn't want the world to have access to my business! Of course, the likelihood of anyone actually reading this is probably pretty slim, so why not write about it?
I guess what prompted me to start back today is that I had to have Mulder euthanized on Thursday. When Scully died two years ago, I expected her brothers to outlive her by a decade. But in July, Mulder developed a coordination problem, that led the vet to believe he had some type of neurological disorder. Steroids helped at first, and we decided that once he started going downhill, I would show him mercy. On Wednesday he exhibited difficulty even moving, so the decision was an easy one (relatively speaking.)