Skip to main content

Thoughts From a Dream

I just awoke from a troubling dream. In it I was walking across a bridge, and in the distance saw what appeared to be a lighting storm. The clouds obscured my view, yet the lightning seemed to be concentrated in one cluster, and it was drawing closer to me. I started to hurry. After I got over the bridge I was in a large open area, and suddenly what seemed to be lightning was actually a column of fire - sort of looked like a waterspout that you'd find over a body of water.

It was coming toward me, and I began running away from it. But it kept coming. I tried to judge its direction, but every time I went the opposite way, it seemed to follow me, getting closer and closer. I began to tire. The fatigue was incredible, but I kept dodging the fire. I felt myself panicking, wondering how I could keep the energy to save myself from being consumed by the fire. The fear was intense, and hopelessness was started to seep in. I finally was able to drag myself into a friend's home, and then that part of the dream was over.

When I awoke, it was not hard to see the correlation with my current circumstances. With everything that has been going on in my life the past several years, I had no trouble with the metaphor. I do feel relentlessly pursued by some destructive force. It seems no matter what direction I try to turn, it follows me anyway, getting closer and closer. I feel enormous fatigue. I am weary, and I wonder how I will get through this.

My friends, colleagues, and family have been wonderfully supportive throughout this. I know I have people to whom I can turn. Yet in the recesses of my own mind, I know that this is my battle. I have to go through it. I know I am not really alone, but I am tired - from everything that has gone on before - and I just don't know how I am going to get through this next year.


Popular posts from this blog

Starting Over....Again

So, I've actually been thinking about this for a long time.

I need to start writing again. Writing helps. Especially when I can just say what's on my mind and not worry so much who is going to read it. If you've found your way here, good for you! Not sure how you found me, but whatever. 

My last post is from 5 years ago. I wondered how I could catch up with everything that's been happening, but, let's face it. Does anyone but me really care?

So as Tim always likes to say, let's call it a fresh start and begin again.

Here we go....

Unexpected Realization

** Nota bene - The following is a transcription of a longhand post written on May 30, 2013When I think about my so-called bucket list or contemplate the things I would like to do in this lifetime, traveling to the Holy Land really was never on there.

That may come as a surprise coming from a pastor.  Certainly every pastor longs to trod those paths that Jesus walked.  But for me, not really.  It's not that I was not interested.  It's just that when it comes to travel, I've always enjoyed staying closer to home and avoiding the crowds.  Tourist areas don't interest me.  And the Holy Land always seemed to be the Disney World for religious people.  No thank you.

I could not have been more wrong.

Now, the tour is over, but I have not yet left the country.  I am resting on my little hotel balcony, bags packed, with upcoming work responsibilities threatening to penetrate my reverie.  The night-life sounds of Tel Aviv tickle my ears while the cool sea breezes caress my sun-burne…
I've been away from my blog for a long time as Caring Bridge became my writing instrument of choice during my cancer journey.  I now am happily cancer free and much less angry than my last blog post would indicate.  The fury over losing my hair indeed was just a symptom of a much deeper anger within me.  Yet, breast cancer taught me many things.  On this side of it I can honestly say that it is perhaps one of the best things that ever happened to me.  Don't get me wrong.  I would never ask to go through it again, nor would I wish it on anyone.  But the experience of it and the outpouring of support that came from family and friends was amazing and eye-opening.  I hope to start sharing some of those experiences on here as I get back into the swing of blogging.

...and actually, I kinda like my super-short pixie 'do!