I just awoke from a troubling dream. In it I was walking across a bridge, and in the distance saw what appeared to be a lighting storm. The clouds obscured my view, yet the lightning seemed to be concentrated in one cluster, and it was drawing closer to me. I started to hurry. After I got over the bridge I was in a large open area, and suddenly what seemed to be lightning was actually a column of fire - sort of looked like a waterspout that you'd find over a body of water.
It was coming toward me, and I began running away from it. But it kept coming. I tried to judge its direction, but every time I went the opposite way, it seemed to follow me, getting closer and closer. I began to tire. The fatigue was incredible, but I kept dodging the fire. I felt myself panicking, wondering how I could keep the energy to save myself from being consumed by the fire. The fear was intense, and hopelessness was started to seep in. I finally was able to drag myself into a friend's home, and then that part of the dream was over.
When I awoke, it was not hard to see the correlation with my current circumstances. With everything that has been going on in my life the past several years, I had no trouble with the metaphor. I do feel relentlessly pursued by some destructive force. It seems no matter what direction I try to turn, it follows me anyway, getting closer and closer. I feel enormous fatigue. I am weary, and I wonder how I will get through this.
My friends, colleagues, and family have been wonderfully supportive throughout this. I know I have people to whom I can turn. Yet in the recesses of my own mind, I know that this is my battle. I have to go through it. I know I am not really alone, but I am tired - from everything that has gone on before - and I just don't know how I am going to get through this next year.